Like it or not, you can’t escape bridal bathroom breaks! Don’t worry though, they’ll soon be fear and fuss-free
Let’s not beat around the bush: you’re going to go to the toilet on your wedding day. As far as sesh levels go, it’s a marathon. From your first glass of champagne at 10am, to calling it quits whenever you damn-well-please – hurray for 24-hour hotel licenses! – the sooner you get on board and prepared for trips to the little girl’s room, the better.
Firstly, don’t fall for any ‘internet-approved’ theories about taking antidiuretics (which stop you wanting to pass urine) or drugs containing loperamide (like Imodium, which is taken for diarrhoea, but can slow things down at that end) to avoid going to the loo. Trying to fight your body’s natural functions can cause serious problems, and nobody wants to start married life doubled over with terrible stomach cramps.
Don’t let it restrict you from drinking or eating on the day either. You’ve painstakingly picked and paid for that champagne and those canapés so fill your bridal bootees. Urine luck (soz) – all you have to do is suss out how you’re going to work round your gown.
The dress difficulty will fall into two camps: volume or tightness. A giant ballgown will involve wrestling with layers of tulle, while a super-skintight fishtail won’t be easily hoisted up.
We are NO WAY suggesting you buy a wedding dress based on the ease of pees, but lump that into a bigger ‘comfort and practicality’ category and design elements like a chest-to-hip corset or full buttoned-up back might seem fussy compared to a hidden zip. The same goes for tightness. Standing in a bridal boutique facing a mirror, you might be slaying, but can you imagine sitting eating your dinner and feeling quite so fabulous?
Consider underwear too: wearing simple underwear will get you back to the dancefloor quicker. Fiddling about with suspender belts might mean you miss dancing with your hens to your Ibiza 2015 anthem and nobody wants that.
It’s worth noting, the Spanx with the ‘split crotch’ supposed to ‘give comfort and ease when nature calls’? A ‘friend’ told us that unless you have some superior laser-beam-stream, you’re inadvertently going to pee all over your shapewear. If you’ve got your heart set on a control bodysuit or short, consider taking a pair of scissor to the gusset and making them crotchless (then just remember not to high kick during any Spice Girls’ numbers).
If you can lift your skirt up, face the wrong way to pee. Yup, sit on the toilet seat facing the cistern. That way you can see exactly what is happening with the skirt in front of you as you lower yourself down, rather than reaching round and frantically trying to stop your train from falling into the pan.
With larger dresses, you may want a helping hand with the backwards-bathroom trip method. Weirdly, facing the wrong way combats some of the embarrassment of having a bridesmaid in with you. Facing the correct way, you’d be staring right at her making awkward eye contact, or laughing so hard you might de-throne yourself.
Your bridesmaids should expect this particular accolade – especially if you buy them this card – but if you really can’t face having your BFF in the cubicle with you then admit defeat and buy a Bridal Buddy. It’s a slip that you wear under your skirt and when nature calls you use to bundle your dress up by putting your arms through two holes and tying it at the top.
On a budget? Blog Offbeat Bride devised a similar method using a binbag, although we reckon this is a lot more faff than the convenience of the Bridal Buddy or the simplicity of pulling rank on one of your ‘maids.
Throw away all notions of ‘breaking the seal’ and have a rough idea of when the most practical points are to nip to the ladies. For example: last thing before putting the dress on, when you arrive at the reception venue/before you go away to take photos, before the meal and after the speeches.
Millions of brides manage to marry each year without using binbags or a drill-sergeant routine, and guess what: it’s not because they are wearing nappies. While wedding dresses might be more complicated than a normal dress, bridal brands aren’t making dresses that aren’t practical, and boutiques won’t let you walk out in a gown that isn’t the perfect fit and will cause you to wet yourself while trying to wriggle out of it!
When you’ve found ‘the one’, ask in the boutique how they’d tackle it. Maybe even have a trial run at home. Just make sure your spouse is out! Nothing will make someone reconsider spending the rest of their life with you than discovering you sitting the wrong way round on the toilet, wearing a wedding dress, congratulating yourself.