The ten most overused jokes in wedding speeches

A recent survey by Pimm’s has revealed the gags you should steer clear of when toasting the happy couple

‘Google it’ has become our go-to response for every quandary from ‘how do you make risotto?’ to ‘what are the best mortgage rates?’ so it’s no surprise that it’s the first port of call when you sit down to write a wedding speech. Luckily, the internet is heaving with copy-and-paste-jokes that can be borrowed for the day. Rather unfortunately though, if you don’t venture past the search engine’s first page or two it’s likely your audience will already be familiar with your wisecracks – how many times have you politely chuckled to the ‘honeymoon in Bangor’ anecdote?

Pimm’s surveyed 2000 adults across Britain and have divulged the most overused jokes to avoid:

1. ‘A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.’

2. ‘Marriage is a three-ring circus: The engagement ring, the wedding ring and finally the suffering.’

3. ‘So where do I start with Jack? Jack is handsome, clever, witty, generous, char….cha… Sorry, mate, can’t read your writing. You’ll just have to tell me that part later. Anyway…’

4. ‘It’s been an emotional day – even the cake is in tiers.’

5. ‘Sheila deserves a good husband. Luckily, you married her before she found one.’

6. ‘I’ve enjoyed myself so much, I hope I get invited to Dave’s next wedding too.’

7. ‘Let us all be upstanding and give the bride the clap she so richly deserves.’

8. ‘Jack is the kindest friend anyone could ask for; a man whose philanthropy knows no bounds. ‘Generosity’ should be his middle name. He would do anything for me; in fact, he even wrote this section of my speech!’

9. ‘If I’m the best man then why is Sheila with Dave and not with me?’

10. ‘I’d like to thank Mastercard and Visa, without whom this would never have been possible. I really do mean it when I say the bride and groom will be in their debt forever.’

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