If you're looking for a little slice of luxury that is maximalist paradise, you'll be sure to find it at the opulent new offering in Glasgow city centre
With a bottle of prosecco waiting for us in the room when we arrived, we knew we were in for a treat (Photo: Jodie Mann)
Have you ever heard of quiet luxury? A lifestyle characterised by understated elegance and refined consumption? Well, I have, and I can't say it is really something that has ever resonated with me.
You see, I love things that are over the top. Camp. Unapologetically opulent. I want to photograph it. I want to bask in it. I want to see the ostentatiousness ripping right out of it. Reader, truthfully, I just love pretending to be a bit of a show off - the definition of a person who is trying to live a champagne lifestyle on a cava budget.
So, when I was invited to experience Glasgow's newest glamorous retreat, House of Gods, you could've likened me to Carrie Bradshaw when she hears there's half off at Manolo Blahnik: utterly delighted.
With my mum in tow, we headed into Merchant City - seeking out the iconic red sandstone building emblazoned with gold font proudly displaying the name that has gained mass online following thanks to its successful sister hotel in Edinburgh.
As we entered through the double doors I was greeted with a sight most pleasing: OTT-excellence. Think giant disco balls to rival the Studio 54 dancefloor, velvet seats, dark wood and a chic, sexy feel that gives off the essence of the greatest jazz clubs in the world.
After being greeted by the classic Glasgow architecture of the exterior, we were soon enjoying a prosecco in the ground floor bar
After making ourselves known to the very helpful receptionist we were offered a check-in fizz - a very nice touch. We opted to enjoy this in the surroundings in the bar (it would've been simply rude not to enjoy the boutique lounge) but you could've also taken it to your room if preferable.
What is the Treat Me Like I'm Famous package at House of Gods?
We were there to enjoy the 'Treat Me Like I'm Famous' package which promises to 'unleash the superstar within'. So, upon arrival at our room for the evening (more on that in a second) we were surprised with a chilled bottle of House of Gods prosecco by Tenute Santome, rose petals and balloons scattered across the bed (simply wasted on my mother and I) and luxury chocolates which were enjoyed that evening.
Looking for somewhere equally as opulent to say 'I do' in the city centre? Check out Glasgow's newest luxury wedding venue The Exchange
In addition to the little luxuries in our room, the package also included a special 'Millionaires' cocktail which was delivered to our door at a time of our choosing (I'm still not entirely sure what was actually in this drink, but it was delectable and Instagrammable). Keeping with the theme we were given a £40 bar tab to enjoy in either of the bar areas in the hotel. Having had our fix of the downstairs area we decided to ascend to new heights and pay a visit to the Sacred Garden rooftop.
The Garden of Eden inspired space is a social media paradise: the drinks are tasty, the views are most enjoyable and the surroundings are bewitching. The floral details are spectacular and somewhere else may feel a tad naff, but here it feels right at home.
It's worth noting that breakfast is served here the next morning too, and that again was equally as pleasant. I enjoyed Eggs Benedict with bacon whilst my mum ordered avocado toast: both of us taking full advantage of the morning mimosa which certainly isn't our usual Tuesday morning treat. We're not total animals - we did wash down our breakfast with a selection of speciality coffees too.
If you're not a guest at the hotel you are welcome to stop by the rooftop for drinks or nibbles too. Don't fear the Glasgow weather...the area is covered, meaning you can have a slice of outdoor heaven but be shielded by the Scottish elements.
The rooms are luxurious, chic and not without some drama (Photo: Jodie Mann)
What are the rooms like at House of Gods Glasgow?
It's unusual to get to this point in a hotel review without actually having mentioned the room, isn't it? Testament to the House of Gods experience, it feels like sleeping is the last thing on the mind of anyone lucky enough to spend the evening here - there's simply too much to take in.
If you decide to get some shut eye you'll be delighted to know that the opulent decor extends beyond the public areas, each of the 28 maximalist rooms have bespoke and lavish interiors.
We were greeted by a four poster bed and lashings of velvet and dark wood: it was truly bringing the glamour to Glassford Street. Our room was the Classic - a 'hedonistic hideaway' boasting everything from a hidden television in the mirror to a marble-clad ensuite. My high street cotton pyjamas felt out of place here. If you're a former bride who wonders where they'll ever wear their wedding morning attire again, here's your chance. Unleash your inner Joan Crawford: anything less than silky robes or feather cuffs feel somewhat out of place.
Depending on how you're looking to celebrate, you can also enjoy the surroundings of a Cabin room. It may be smaller in size, but certainly not in impact. If you're looking for the proper 'wow' experience, say if you're a newly-engaged couple or looking for a post-wedding retreat, you must go for a Suite or Presidential Suite. Enjoy a roll top feature bath and places to lounge, with the latter room even offering a cinema system with surround sound.
After we popped the prosecco and brought up a classic chick flick on Netflix we were feeling a bit peckish. But we needn't have feared: each room is equipped with a button system where you can either order more prosecco, call the butler or request the ultimate late night treat...cookies and milk. It was like magic as the treats turned up at our door and felt very Nigella Lawson: she'd be proud that a hotel places such importance on the art of midnight snacking.
Unleash your inner Joan Crawford: anything less than silky robes or feather cuffs feel somewhat out of place
If you're too relaxed to even pull yourself from your four-poster, the hotel staff are available via WhatsApp around the clock too. From ordering more delicious cocktails to arranging your booking for one of the bars, the modern approach to the 'press 9 for reception' is a welcomed addition for those who would rather sit in a cold bath than make a phone call.
Left: The Sacred Garden is a stunning hideaway perfect for drinks with friends on a summer evening, as you don't need to be a guest to enjoy the surroundings Right: Make sure you don't leave without snapping a photograph of the impressive disco bath display in the foyer
If beige decor is a non-negotiable, you'll simply not understand the offering of this hot new hotel. We certainly did feel famous for the evening: returning to the reality of life definitely hit us hard as we said thank you and goodbye after our late check-out of noon. When it comes to House of Gods, more is more.
And speaking of more, I'm already wondering when I can return for my next boujee affair...
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Find out more about House of Gods...
House of Gods is based at 65 Glassford Street in Glasgow's Merchant City
Stays at House of Gods, as well as additional experiences, can be booked via their website
You can book the Sacred Garden rooftop or the cocktail lounge at House of Gods via the website
